Teach your young athletes how to fight

Janis Meredith,Football Parents,football parents advice,conflicts

Teach your young athletes how to fight

Janis Meredith Mon, 06/27/2016 – 9:22am

Most of us are born with an instinct to fight, but there is a healthy way and an unhealthy way to handle conflict.

It’s important to teach your kids that they can argue in a way that resolves conflict instead of escalating it.

Athletes will fight amongst themselves as teammates. They will fight with siblings and friends.

There are times when you need to stay out of their fights and let them resolve the problem, but there will also be times when you need to put your referee hat on and step in to restore order.

Here are four simple tips to get your child on the right track when it comes to arguments:

• Own your feelings. Teach kids to own up to their feelings without blaming someone else. Instead of saying, “You make me so mad, it’s all your fault.” Say, “I feel angry that you said that.” This allows your child to express his frustration without pointing fingers at someone else. After all, no one forces your child to feel a certain way. It is his choice to get upset. But it’s OK for him to say that, too.


• Fighting does not equal yelling. Remind kids that they don’t need to yell to get their point across. A raised voice typically means that anger in control, and when that happens, anger will say and do things that a person regrets later. If your kids are fighting with each other, with friends or with teammates, don’t let them continue if they are screaming at each other or even raising their voices very loudly. Blow the whistle and tell them to be quiet until they can talk calmly. Resolutions rarely come from shouting matches.


• Resolve quickly. The danger when allowing conflicts to drag on is that they get ignored, not resolved. Although deeper issues require time and even counseling to resolve, everyday squabbles and fights should not be carried over into the next day.


• Show them how it’s done. Your kids will watch how you handle conflict with your spouse, friends, employers, employees, neighbors and family members. When you set the example of honesty, staying calm, and not letting conflicts drag on, they will see that good conflict resolution really does work and is much better for the health of your relationships.

Janis B. Meredith, sports mom and coach’s wife, writes a sports parenting blog called JBM Thinks. Her new booklet, “11 Habits for Healthy and Positive Sports Parents,”is available on Amazon. She has a podcasting series for sports parents. You can also find her on Facebook and Twitter.